A Message From Debbie Parenting With Brain Injury

Parenting after a brain injury is an unbelievable challenge. Once the kids are old enough to be safer, toddlers at least there is a few years reprieve. They can make most of their needs known to us. They can remind the parent what they need. But once those teenage years happen, your disability becomes a sword, a button that can and is pushed by your teens. My recommendation is if the teen is not listening or behaving and is considered in your eyes to be at risk to themselves or others, it is time to involve juvenile authorities, counselors etc. My memory or rather lack of memory was the sword my teens used most with me. If I couldn't remember, and they swore I gave permission, what was I to say? I said eventually, regardless of memory I know I would never say yes to what you said I did. I was usually right. My suggestion is go with your gut. If it doesn't feel right, your teen is probably trying to take advantage of you.

TBI Parent of a Teenager

Finally this stressful week has come to an end,
my broken heart can now have a chance to mend.
Would it help if for a day or maybe possibly two,
you could temporarily be me, and I could be you?
You are my daughter, and only now sixteen,
trying so hard to control me by treating me mean.
I know my injury has been a hardship for you,
but blaming me, doesn't make up for all that you do.
For years you have blamed me for your every mistake,
I have accepted this burden and assumed it my fate.
Your behavior has worsened and stretched me to thin,
If I had no injury, what would your excuse be then?
I will no longer allow your constant lack of respect,
all of my giving has finally made me stop and reflect.
You can no longer use me as an excuse for bad behavior,
I now realize that tolerating this has done you no favor.
Life has been more difficult than any of us could know,
all of my efforts proving fruitless in the actions you show.
Truancy and lying, relentlessly disobeying all of my rules,
has left me no choice but to reach out for other tougher tools.
For years I have tried my hardest to make a positive difference,
being met with rebellion and resistance that makes no sense.
Years of counseling have seemingly changed nothing for you,
now I must face the fate of what juvenile court may decide to do.
I wish you the strength to take on the responsibility of what you do,
hoping that by facing the consequences there will be a future for you.
Without my lack of memory to use as a sword as you have thus far,
my prayer is that you will be motivated to reach for your special star!
Love,
Mom, Debbie Wilson, 11-30-97

A Message From Debbie: Service Dogs

Lets talk a minute about the tremendous relief and help service dogs can give us. I have had two over the past 16 years. They are much more loyal than most people we ever meet. Training them is not hard as long as you are consistent. My first one Harley, saved my life literally several times. My service dog now, Nikki, has been both a mobility and seizure alert dog. As I have gotten older, and in more pain, I have had to transition from the independence of my service dog, to the dependance on my son, Cody, taking me everywhere I go. But those service dogs bought me 16 more years of independence. I would highly recommend one to anyone that needs a little help.

Sports Related Head Injuries

Updated December 2011
Although sports injuries contribute to fatalities infrequently, the leading cause of death from sports-related injuries is traumatic brain injury. Sports and recreational activities contribute to about 21 percent of all traumatic brain injuries among American children and adolescents.
Traumatic Brain Injury
A traumatic brain injury (TBI) is defined as a blow or jolt to the head, or a penetrating head injury that disrupts the normal function of the brain. TBI can result when the head suddenly and violently hits an object, or when an object pierces the skull and enters brain tissue. Symptoms of a TBI can be mild, moderate or severe, depending on the extent of damage to the brain. Mild cases may result in a brief change in mental state or consciousness, while severe cases may result in extended periods of unconsciousness, coma or even death.
Incidence
The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) tracks product-related injuries through its National Electronic Injury Surveillance System (NEISS).
According to an American Association of Neurological Surgeons (AANS) study utilizing CPSC data, there were an estimated 446,788 sports-related head injuries treated at U.S. hospital emergency rooms in 2009. This number represents an increase of nearly 95,000 sports-related injuries from the prior year. All of the 20 sports noted below posted increases in the number of injuries treated in 2009, except for trampolines, which posted 52 fewer injuries in 2009. Sports that exhibited substantial increases from 2008 to 2009 included water sports (11,239 to 28,716*), cycling (70,802 to 85,389), baseball and softball (26,964 to 38,394) and basketball (27,583 to 34,692).
*Four categories were tabulated by the AANS in the current analysis that were not reflected in the 2008 injury data analysis, but together, these account for only 1,397 injuries.
The actual incidence of head injuries may potentially be much higher for two primary reasons. 1). In the 2009 report, the CPSC excluded estimates for product categories that yielded 1,200 injuries or less, those that had very small sample counts and those that were limited to a small geographic area of the country; 2). Many less severe head injuries are treated at physician's offices or immediate care centers, or are self-treated.
Included in these statistics are not only the sports/recreational activities, but the equipment and apparel used in these activities. For example, swimming-related injuries include the activity as well as diving boards, equipment, flotation devices, pools and water slides.
The following 20 sports/recreational activities represent the categories contributing to the highest number of estimated head injuries treated in U.S. hospital emergency rooms in 2009.
Cycling: 85,389
Football: 46,948
Baseball and Softball: 38,394
Basketball: 34,692
Water Sports (Diving, Scuba Diving, Surfing, Swimming, Water Polo, Water Skiing, Water Tubing): 28,716
Powered Recreational Vehicles (ATVs, Dune Buggies, Go-Carts, Mini bikes, Off-road): 26,606
Soccer: 24,184
Skateboards/Scooters: 23,114
Fitness/Exercise/Health Club: 18,012
Winter Sports (Skiing, Sledding, Snowboarding, Snowmobiling): 16,948
Horseback Riding: 14,466
Gymnastics/Dance/Cheerleading: 10,223
Golf: 10,035
Hockey: 8,145
Other Ball Sports and Balls, Unspecified: 6,883
Trampolines: 5,919
Rugby/Lacrosse: 5,794
Roller and Inline Skating: 3,320
Ice Skating: 4,608

Abusive Head Trauma

How These Injuries Happen

Unlike other forms of inflicted head trauma, abusive head trauma results from injuries caused by someone vigorously shaking a child. Because the anatomy of infants puts them at particular risk for injury from this kind of action, the majority of victims are infants younger than 1 year old. The average age of victims is between 3 and 8 months, although these injuries can be seen in children up to 5 years old.
The perpetrators in these cases are most often parents or caregivers. Common triggers are frustration or stress when the child is crying. Unfortunately, the shaking may have the desired effect: although at first the baby cries more, he or she may stop crying as the brain is damaged.
Approximately 60% of identified victims of shaking injury are male, and children of families who live at or below the poverty level are at an increased risk for these injuries as well as any type of child abuse. It is estimated that the perpetrators in 65% to 90% of cases are males — usually either the baby's father or the mother's boyfriend, often someone in his early twenties.
When someone forcefully shakes a baby, the child's head rotates about the neck uncontrollably because infants' neck muscles aren't well developed and provide little support for their heads. This violent movement pitches the infant's brain back and forth within the skull, sometimes rupturing blood vessels and nerves throughout the brain and tearing the brain tissue. The brain may strike the inside of the skull, causing bruising and bleeding to the brain.
The damage can be even greater when a shaking episode ends with an impact (hitting a wall or a crib mattress, for example), because the forces of acceleration and deceleration associated with an impact are so strong. After the shaking, swelling in the brain can cause enormous pressure within the skull, compressing blood vessels and increasing overall injury to its delicate structure.
Normal interaction with a child, like bouncing the baby on a knee, will not cause these injuries. It's important to never shake a baby under any circumstances.

A Message From Debbie about Helmets

Children and teens are the highest risk for traumatic brain injury. If you give a helmet to a toddler when they get their first tricycle, require a helmet when they ride their bikes, chances will be great that they will want a helmet when they get their first motorcycle.

Our teens are at greatest risk from car accidents. Make sure they know you love them enough to require a seat belt, and will not tolerate them drinking and driving. We cannot prevent all brain damage, but there are things as parents we can do to reduce the chances of brain injury.

Veterans, Brain Injury and Homelessness

I know many of you don’t have a home,
so look around, you don’t have to be alone.

Together some of you could share a place,
That’s what we have done and it has helped keep me safe.

With the economy falling apart, be creative,
Extended families don’t have to be blood related.

We have had many special families through the years,
Each was special and we shared much more than fears and tears.

It is a kind way of life not meant for everyone.
If you are homeless maybe this will be a ray of sun!

Being without a home and alone is a scary place to be,
Reach out for a stranger and try and help them to see.


Debbie Wilson
11-26-2011

Brain Injury and Relationships

Honey, I fell in love with you a long time ago,
now your injury makes it hard to remember the love I used to know.

You do not mean to be hateful or curt,
but you are, and I don’t think you understand how bad it hurts.

I know you are suffering and in a lot of pain,
just tell me what to do to help you without making you feel lame.

I am your significant other and I am hurting badly for you,
please, my loved one, just tell me what I can do to read your cue.

We are as if two strangers that knew each other a long time ago,
we don’t have the same things in common, you don’t  know if I’m friend or foe.

The why of this is just a waste of time, what we do next will redefine who we are,
I wish you would stay here and hang out with me instead of heading out to the bar.

I know the drinking helps you cope with the internal demons and the pain,
but a love like ours being allowed to whither and die, is just a darn shame.

Statistics say we probably won’t be able to make it together much longer,
hopefully we can stay in touch and at least help each other feel a bit stronger.

I so wish this injury had not happened to you and so negatively affected me,
this injury is a thief that stole what was once familiar, loving and kind between us, there
is no longer a we.

By:
Debbie Wilson
12-30-2011

Passing On Holiday Tradition

My physical reality is I am a moderate to severely brain damaged epileptic with a very hopeful Holiday Wish for others living with the reality of brain injury life and want to feel hopeful instead of hopeless. Before my son, Cody was old enough, I was entrusted to several adults along the way that could not and did not do our journey. They tried, many meant very well, but they could not do the everyday or eventually more than occasional walk in our brain injury life. I doubt there are many emotions you or your loved ones have ever felt that we have not felt or I have not written about.
My son and I have brought homeless strangers home for Thanksgiving as our personal tradition almost every Thanksgiving that we’ve been on our own. My son and I started a group home in Tampa, Fl. called “Home Away From Home.” Our group home was on the front page of the St. Petersburg Times, as their human interest story, Thanksgiving Day 2003. We were the Tampa Veterans Hospital referral when they could not find any placement for a veteran with an additional addiction problem.
Each Thanksgiving with strangers, I looked around and saw thankful faces. I looked and personally felt the heartfelt thankfulness and a special lifetime bond. When I was homeless the person that reached out her hand to me and my service dog was definitely in a much more unfortunate situation than I was. There truly are some really good people out there. The ones you meet will probably stand out in your memory. Take these holidays to meet a stranger and reach out your hand. I am very aware of the experience all of you have had with many types of rejection. Just reach your hand out anyway!
It is imperative you reach out to someone else that needs it more than you and your family. You are eternal HOPE for someone else that gets caught up in seemingly impossible daily life issues. You and your families presence is very humbling to most people you meet. I know it because I have watched hope light up in other people over and over because we chose to quit focusing on our problems and reached out and focused on someone else. No doubt this has gotten harder to do through the years, so it is time for me to pass on my brain injury family holiday tradition. You have been chosen and there will be many that need the messages we as a group can bring. This is one way you will make new holiday memories that will eventually mean the most to you and a whole lot of others.
Brain injury survivors are no doubt a group of the most impressive and gifted groups I have ever encountered. Our perseverance leaves me awestruck each time I hear another one of your stories. Learn to give yourselves credit for who you are and what you are really trying to live with. I wonder what all of us could do if we just reached out to someone worse off. They are out there, and many times you will be the hope they needed today. I totally get that we are seen by others as the one in need. Imagine what we could do if we all really tried to make others in need, feel the welcome we have missed most since our brain injury life began. Our shared philosophical belief could help change the world of brain injury reality and the whole world for the better. Happy Holidays!
Debbie, Cody and Noah Wilson,
Three generations of family brain injury survival and HOPE!
By,
Debbie Wilson 11/26/2011

Gain

It takes so much time to help heal our miraculous brain,.
especially when doctors predict our effort will be in vain.
I have learned that no one else can adequately predict my gain,
and it is this deep felt assurance that has continued to help keep me sane.

You see, I went through this before seven years ago,
The prognosis was grim, my attitude was how can you know?
Several things they predicted I would never again do, I had scored too low.
I proved them wrong, as my determination and will to survive slowly began to grow.

Now there is a new injury, more things I can not adequately do,
but I remember the last time and all that I gained, I have to try this time to.
Cognitive rehab on the computer each day taught me their prognosis was not true.
Everyday is a challenge in all that I attempt, by learning and re-learning all that I can do.

I could choose to sit and vegetate, but instead I choose to fight for me.
It doesn't matter if I do things as well as before, I am trying to be the
best I can be.
Moments of discouragement do not last very long, streaming tears do not help me see.
The hours of trying the same things over and over, prove helpful and well worth the fee.

I will not ever learn all I once knew, but the things I have learned are
priceless and ease the pain.
The wisdom and knowledge learned as a result of this injury, continues to remind me of all of my gain.
I appreciate the sun and the smell of the sea, I will never let cloudy skies make me feel like I live in the rain.
I will remind myself daily that my effort, as frustrating as it may be, will be the real reason I finally will gain.

By:
Debbie Wilson 2-3-99

Message From Debbie: The Future after TBI

As you read many of these you will see there is a big difference in acceptance over the past 16 years. That is the awesome hope I get to share with you! I did live into the future. I found new dreams and goals. I became more passionate about changing some of life's pain and heartache. I am compelled to offer hope because hope was the only gift I learned to consistantly give myself. Hope is not freely given with moderate to severe brain inuries with uncontrolled seizures. Since doctors were not passing out any hope I held on to the fact that things happen everyday not quite understood by man. I lived because God wanted me to have a chance to continue talking to brain injury survivors. I lived so I would have the opportunity to talk to YOU!

Understand My Anger

I had an  instantaneous, unforeseen, insult to my head.
it's result and effect on my life has me so incredibly mad!
All my many dreams of the future, my hopes and my goals,
all changed and I can't help that it makes me incredibly sad.
 
You think and say that I look basically identical to before.
You act like if I tried hard enough I could still be just the same.
In your unrealistic expectation of trying to accept the new me,
your pressure and demands have made me aware this is no game.

You did the best you could but it has been very hard on both of us. 
You don't seem to understand why it has been such a torturous ordeal.
Yet you must remember it isn't your life that has drastically changed,
believe me when I tell you this heart-wrenching agony is very real.

Don't misunderstand that I am not grateful or immensely thankful,
yes, I am very aware that my disability could be considerably worse.
But just don't ask me to pretend it is easy or ask me to try and 
minimize.
Because today, my life, my losses, my reality, feels very much like 
a curse.
 
Someday I am sure I will have the ability to let go of this 
incredible pain.
But it has to be handled my way, in my time frame, not the demand 
of yours.
Please just try to be patient and loving as I am truly doing the 
best I can.
Some injuries and their aftermath unfortunately don't have 
instantaneous cures.

I think you would more easily understand and also been very greatly 
angry,
if this injury with such devastation had unfortunately, instead 
happened to you.
So please just try hard to have more patience and compassionate 
understanding,
if anything tragic should ever happen to you, I would stand beside 
you too..

My exasperation and fury come from my internal tremendous frustration,
at all the things that were once easy, and now are so difficult for 
me to do.
Please just try showing some real understanding and sincere empathy,
remember  things are not nearly as easy for me to do as they are 
for you.
 
I used to never blow my top, I was considered as  gentle as a lamb.
Now with these brain changes, I just can't really tolerate very much
I hate to loose my temper, it makes it hard to recognize who I am.
Just try to understand me, and possibly give me a reassuring touch.

I don't like to allow myself such feelings of wrath or outrageous anger,
over emotions I no longer seem to be able to keep under control.
My agitation certainly doesn't mean I don't need love or feel 
appreciation,
it just means that I am struggling very hard with this unwanted role...
 
by: Debbie Wilson
    6-27-96

The Tragic News

Was it the phone ringing in the night...that 
first alerted you about the heart-ache ahead?
Or was it a police officer knocking...hesitantly,
...timidly on your door? Or  was it possibly a 
friend sent over to be the bearer...of
painful, unthinkable news? Or were you 
there to witness the moment of...horror yourself? 
Whatever manner the news was delivered the result 
was the same. Life had...irrevocably changed. A split 
second in time, an accident, an injury, an aneurysm, 
a stroke, a tumor, whatever the heart-wrenching details 
the story is still  basically the same. The brain...that 
one organ of the body that controls everything, was 
hurt...hurt..The degree of hurt is different for everyone, 
but the frustration and the fact that life changed forever 
is universal. Do you remember the words...brain damage? 
Do you remember that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach? 
Do you remember thinking there must be some tremendous mistake,
that this could  not possibly be true? Do you remember trying to 
turn back the huge hands of time? Do you remember bargaining 
and pleading with God? Do you remember trying to pretend this 
was a nightmare, that you would awaken from eventually? Do you 
remember wondering if you were somehow being punished for some 
terrible past deed? Do you remember when TBI, ABI, survivor, 
and caregiver were only words in your vocabulary, rather than 
a way of life? Do you remember all the energy and hours 
playing the "what could have been" game? Do you remember 
the anger and the remorse? Do you remember wanting to blame 
anyone, and everyone for this unforgivable twist in the course 
of your life? Do you remember the pain and the uncertainty 
about what the future would hold? Do you remember that with 
the passing of time, the disbelief gave way to realization? 
Do you remember when the feelings of horror started turning  
into feelings of reality? Do you remember when the pain started 
being less acute, when taking a deep breath was no longer 
impossible or quite as painful? Do you remember when the grief 
process allowed you to release some of the over-whelming 
frustration? Do you remember when the anger started to finally 
begin to dissipate? Do you remember that first cup of coffee 
that could be once again considered enjoyable and yes, even 
relaxing? Do you remember when you first started noticing the 
beauty of the rainbow after a gentle rain shower? Do you remember
when you first started to notice the beauty in the change of 
seasons? Do you remember the first time you noticed that the 
birds were still singing from the tree-tops? Do you remember 
the first time you heard a sad...heart-breaking story and said to
yourself "But by the grace of God there go I", It could be worse?
Did you know that this means that your heart is finally on the 
path to recovery and acceptance?

by: Debbie Wilson
    5-1-96

Special Dogs dedicated to Harley Moon Shadow

Mom, why do you think that dog wore that funny looking vest?
I don’t really know son, but dogs aren’t allowed in stores, you know.
But Mom, that dog was trained to do something important, I could tell.
The store made them leave, so they must have been wrong. 
I think you made a mistake Mom.

Mom, today someone brought a dog to school with one of those funny vests on.
It belongs to a boy in my class that has something called epilepsy. The dog is in my class too.
He is the neatest dog I have ever seen. Some of the other kids had never seen one.
I thought about the lady in the grocery store, and I am never going to make the same mistakes, Mom.

The new boy, didn’t have many friends but I told him I wanted to be his friend.
I told him about the lady in the store. I told him I knew people had probably treated him unfairly.
I also told him I didn’t know what epilepsy was, but I was willing to learn if he was willing to teach me.
He is a really nice friend Mom, and I am so glad that my school knows that his dog helps keep him safe.

Mom , today when we were on the playground and my new friend had one of his bad seizures.
His dog came over and got me, and brought me to my friend. I told my teacher, and she got help.
Mom, I tried to tell you I could tell these were specially trained dogs, and today I got to see for myself.
Mom, I wish we could do things to help inform people, a mistake today could have cost my friend his life.

by: Debbie Wilson
8-27-97

Broken Dreams

Life flies by, we make plans, we go after dreams and goals.
We think we are indestructible, that nothing will stand in our way,
then is a split second of time, life changes and the future with it. 
If you haven’t had a brain injury, I can’t expect you to understand,
The lostness, the loneliness, the insecurity about who I really am.

I have spent years trying to make the best of a bad situation.
There were many hours spent believing everything would be mended,
by smiling, learning, hoping that someday it would magically change.
I was waiting for the change, that gave me back what I felt like I had 
lost.
But the only change that will happen  has got to come from within myself.

But reality is, I have had to come to terms with the many broken dreams.
I had to learn to depend on others for things I would have never dreamed 
of.
The years have taught me acceptance, the broken dreams have taught me 
humility.
My time is now spent planning a new future, developing new dreams and 
goals.
Never quite sure if they will come true, but  hope is a gift that I give 
myself. 
 
But the disappointment is always there just under the surface, of what 
could have been.
The years have not taken away the wounds, they have just taught me to 
deal with them.
The internal struggle everyday to do the things that were once so easy 
makes me sad.
But then I look around and I know that it could be so much worse, and 
I feel thankful.
I still believe broken dreams can be mended, and I choose to spend my 
energy there.

I have many broken dreams, but am learning to replace them with new 
realistic dreams.
There have been many disappointments, but I am learning to replace 
them with hope.
No, I will never be quite the same, but I have learned to be satisfied 
with who I now am.
I don’t have to like the changes fate has made in my life, but I do have 
to deal with them.
Yes , the broken dreams are still there, but new plans and dreams keep 
my mind busy.

Sometimes I wonder if broken dreams were meant to be, to change the 
course of our life.

by: Debbie Wilson
    8-19-96 

Child Abuse

You precious and priceless little baby, 
how could your parents be so cruel? 
Out of control and violently angry, 
unjustly confronting you with a duel.
You are just a little blameless infant,
unable to resist and protect yourself.
Now there are several mortal bruises,
because no one defended your health.
You were taken to the hospital today, 
your little head battered and harmed.
Mom and dad caused you to dearly pay, 
too late they are regretful and alarmed.
Now they are weeping and frightened, 
realizing their treatment was too rough.
They are now aware and enlightened,
but your battered body has had enough.
Heart breaking tears slide down your face,
as you struggle helplessly to understand.
You just needed love and gentle kindness,
not harm or abuse by your parents hand.
No amount of soothing can arrest your pain,
naught can make what has occurred all right.
You found no comfort or safety in this life,
only pounding and terror night after night.
As you pass to heaven full of joy and peace,
you will not recall today's violence or pain.
Your little life left an enormous impression,
other abused children will ultimately gain.
You will be remembered as gentle and sweet, 
many will not  forget your appalling plight.
As a result of all your suffering and sacrifice,
others are inspired to keep battling your fight.

by: Debbie Wilson
    6-3-96

Life Has Changed

Life has changed,
In a split second of time.
Now a stranger lives within.
The stranger isn’t  leaving,
The  familiar can not return.
Life  has changed.
Sure I miss the old familiar,
The dreams, the goals, the old me.
But emotion can not change things,
Life has changed.
There are now new goals,
There is now a new me.
I am learning to love the stranger,
Life has changed.
She is different from the old me,
She feels the pain of others.
She understands the pain of life,
She is concerned about the heartache of others.
Life has changed.
The stranger has a mission,
To guide others through the maze.
The familiar wouldn’t have taken the time.
Life has changed.
The familiar would have liked the stranger,
Now I must learn to accept me.
I am now that stranger.
So I would have liked me.
Life has changed.

by: Debbie Wilson
    2-20-96

Ignorance

I remember my life and earlier days,
sometimes I even cry and long for them.
I search diligently for hope in the sun rays,
longing for the person I have once been.

I no longer have my previous pre-identity,
it was tragically lost forever along the way.
Disability  seems to be much like infinity,
however,always searching is no place to stay.

There are many with a lack of understanding,
too many selfish people just truly do not care.
Concern does not come from commanding,
It is either freely given or it will never be there.

Different should never be considered “bad”,
Unfortunately, many are much too blind to see.
Others should not wrongly make us feel sad,
even without my other identity, I am still me.

I still have feelings, and I still often can be hurt,
why isn’t this considered before people speak?
This lack of understanding often comes out curt,
why should compassion be too much to seek?

Ignorance is shameful yet apparently hard to see,
such inability to empathize, is often heart breaking.
Throughout my changes, as I try hard to identify me,
the callousness surrounding me, is very pains taking.

Would you like to take a walk with me for just a day?
Do you have the strength to face constant rejection?
You may not see it, but I am certainly not in the way,
I just have to wonder if you could handle the subjection.

You see I have something that cannot ever be bought,
I have the fortitude to walk through an ignorant maze.
This is an attribute you may have even consciously sought,
but instead your lack of understanding keeps you in a haze.

By: Debbie Wilson
    9-30-97

Glimses

It was just a split second in time,
now I am forever different from before.
Feeling sad sometimes is certainly not a crime,
none of us can predict what life might have in store.

My children have lost a crucial part of their life,
my original goals were forced to die along the way.
My husband, lovingly, has had to take care of his wife,
my heart breaks for them, but they seem glad a part of me could stay.

Sometimes there are tears and moments of unbearable sadness,
but in general we all cope, day by day, with our eyes on tomorrow.
For the most part we are thankful and our hearts are filled with gladness,
but as with any loss, that lasts forever, we also all feel our share of sorrow.

No one ever told us what to expect, so denial was our strategy,
then the clock kept ticking and the improvements did not seem to come.
Through the support of other brain injured, I realized there had been a tragedy,
that I must face, acknowledge, grieve, get angry over and then start recovery from.

Denial was a wonderful place, but it was not real and it did not help me heal.
Recovery has been a rough road, with many a glimpse at my pre-injury aptitudes.
Sometimes I still wonder........what if that pick-up truck had not  been able to steal?
Steal what?  I still have my life and I am thankful. Recovery seems to be partly attitude.

But those glimpses of another, far easier time in life, are a step in our healing process.
I know of no one that would raise their hand and volunteer for this kind of injury or pain,
but that does not mean that we cannot turn our lives, with this injury, into a story of success.
By sharing our information with others, in lessening  another’s pain, we all experience gain.

by: Debbie Wilson

    9-17-97

My Name Is Loss

Hello, please allow me to introduce myself, my name is...Loss. I 
travel throughout the universe with a very specific job description. 
I have several friends that either travel with me or on their own. 
Their names are Pain, Suffering, Grief, Disappointment, Unfairness 
and Depression. I wanted all of you to understand the role that we play. 
We are all a part of what is known as...the cycle of life. We do not 
select our visited  because they, are more deserving of heart-ache than 
others.  Our job is not to punish,it is just to carry out what is to be. 
You have not been singled out to be hurt or punished, even though I know 
you may have thought so. Instead it is a matter of placement, timing, 
chance and influence.

You see we start visiting you when you are first born. The first time 
you experience me is when you are taken from the womb of your mother. 
I am the one that visited  you when you lost...your first front tooth. 
I was also there when you lost...your first race. I was the one that 
visited you each time you...had your heart broken. You see I have been 
a part of your life...since the minute you were born. Sometimes my 
damage was easier to recover from than other times. I noticed when it 
was difficult for you...but I could not intervene. I knew that I not 
only had a job to do, but you were in the middle of the molding process. 
You are the person that you are today because I visited you. Some of you 
have handled me easier than others, but all of you have grown as a result 
of my visits.

There are so many people out there who have been touched by your 
experiences. Your influence was far more reaching than just to yourself 
or your immediate family. There have been lives changed that you will 
never even know about, as a result of my visits to you. It was not just 
you that needed molding but others as well. I just wanted to take the 
time to thank-you for helping me to mold the universe.

Sincerely,
Loss

by: Debbie Wilson
    5-6-96

Please Don't Take Away My Hope

Things may be bad sometimes and to some may seem hopeless, please just let 
me accept my life in reality and love my life anyway.
I’m asking you to try not to steal what keeps me going...Hope.

There are those times that I am quite aware of how bad things are,
those temporary moments when I can’t see through my streaming tears,
But I am begging  you to let me hold on to what I need...Hope.

Please don’t ever say you could not stand to live the life that I have,
you couldn’t possibly know unless my life were the life you were living.
I’m asking you to let me have what I need for the moment...Hope.

Don’t make false promises or false dreams, but let me have my dreams. 
Please don’t as a professional, ever say there are no more answers or help,
I am pleading with you to allow me the luxury I need most...Hope.

Always there are more answers, it may just be you without those answers.
When you make these type of remarks, it makes it hard to hold on to my hope.
I am telling you that all patients need that one joint component...Hope.

If you haven’t walked in someone else’s shoes, don’t be to quick to judge.
All of us at times face adversity, just some have to live with it all the 
time. We are somehow able to find strength and endurance through...Hope.

Don’t ever say we will amount to nothing or get no where fruitful in this 
life,as long as we can live, we can still give to someone who needs what we 
have. In giving to others the survival tips we have learned we have...Hope.

No matter how grave the situation or how serious the medical problem, 
remember that miracles and things not quite understood by man happen. 
Don't ever be so cruel and heartless as to take away someone’s...Hope.

by: Debbie Wilson      
    7-24-96

Plea To My Fellow Law Enforcement Officers

I was a Chief Probation and Parole Officer when I was struck by a pick-up truck.
I was diagnosed with brain injury and worked hard and was able to go back to work in my chosen career.
Two years later a co-worker noticed I was having seizures and gently broke the news to me, that it was unlawful for me to carry a gun any longer and I was forced to medically retire after a decade.
I have worn a seizure helmet every day for the last ten years, and I have had uncontrolled seizures since September of 1991.
I have unsuccessfully taken almost every anticonvulsant drug thus far available.
I was evaluated for brain surgery and found ineligible twice due to multiple seizure origination areas.
I loved the law by the time I learned to walk. I knew I wanted to be part of it by the time I learned how to talk. And when I had to relearn how to walk and talk again after my brain injury I still loved the law.
I complied with my doctors, and took every prescription regardless of the horrible side effects. I was the mother of three and I followed every medical recommendation trying to give my children the best of what was left of me. Unfortunately, the medicine side effects can take a terrible toll. I lost all of my teeth, my gallbladder, and my large intestine. My colon loss left me incontinent. I had to wear diapers for the next decade of my life. I was thirty five years old when this journey began. I have waited on FDA epilepsy medicine approval as my only hope for a less debilitating life. Years went by and my children grew up and my son thankfully cared for me at home. I never lost hope, that is the gift I gave myself. As time went on and no medication helped me, I sought relief in many neurology approved natural supplements to no avail.
Today, morphine injections, given rarely through the years, doesn’t take away my pain. I made a decision last year it was finally my turn to try something on my own behalf. I tried marijuana for head and spinal injury pain. I thought if I could diminish some of my chronic pain I could gain some quality of life back.
March 13, 2010 was when I first tried marijuana. My severe headaches were thus far not relieved by any pain medicine. The marijuana immediately relieved my headache. Within eight weeks I was no longer having to wear diapers. And by July 25, 2010, I realized my generalized seizures that resulted in unconsciousness were almost non existent. However, I hated the fact that I was having to break the law. I researched legal medical marijuana states for nine months and realized that my disability income is not enough money for anyone to move across the country.
I believe as many of you do that the recent medical marijuana states have already messed up the law. We took an oath to serve and protect. I forgot in the name of the law to protect myself. However, the mother in me tells me that if this story had belonged to one of my precious children I would have probably done what was best for my child and had to break the medical marijuana law much sooner.
Here in Illinois we are voting on the strictest medical marijuana law to date. I have confidence that together we can uphold the sanctions of the law and still allow compassion for all of those that may need alternative medicine.
I have confidence that our states Compassionate Cannabis Act can be controlled and supervised adequately. I don’t have to know you to know that you have compassion every day in someway while
at work. Please try to overlook all the stoners, I don’t believe they ever intended to have such a negative impact on medical marijuana, but I believe they have. However people that are dying, or that have debilitating disorders that can be helped by this controversial drug, are owed a chance, every chance to handle their debilitations with as much grace and integrity as we would like to be allowed ourselves.
Please support me in supporting a law that regardless of any negative can only be considered right, compassionate and humane.
Sincerely,
Debbie  Wilson debbiewilson9@yahoo.com
www.dickibus.co.uk/poets/debbie_wilson/debbie.htm

The Thief

I read someone else call brain injury a thief,
I agree it is a tremendous thief that takes a long time to feel any relief.
A thief that comes in the day or in the night,
A thief that steals everything that once was our life.
At a time that most things used to seem alright.
A thief that does not discriminate against age, race, religion or creed,
A thief that offends over and over, And possesses incredible greed.
A thief that appears discretionary, he can either steal a little or a lot.
A thief that makes its victims lose memory, abilities and simple thought.
A thief so very powerful he can and has, stolen all we ever earned.
A thief no matter how clever, isn't capable of stealing all that we are able to relearn.

By:Debbie Wilson 09-28-2011

This Cold World

When this cold world gets you down,
and you notice you have no smile just a frown.
Then it is time to change your life all around!

I promise you there are people that would change
places with your health and abilities every single day.
The problem seems to be when we ourselves get in the way.

If you can no longer see hope, a future, or improvement,
spend some time with a young child, they are truly heaven sent.
That frown will not last, then you can do whatever you are meant.

One of the greatest tragedies in life is not doing what was meant.
When doors slam in your face it is time to look at the real message sent.
Do not settle for life breaking you, there is no shame in getting bent.

Depression can smother who a person is or ever wants to be.
Scream out for help when depression is causing you to cease to be.
Depression does not have to be one of life’s harshest fees.
I have been there many times, it has also happened to me.

By: Debbie Wilson 10-27-2011

Controlling My Rage

There was an instantaneous accident,
and I forever hurt my brain.
Now I live with a short fuse I must control,
or I will throw my life down the drain.
There were incidents that could have landed me in a cage,
Those incidents taught me there were specific triggers for my rage.
Physical pain was an anger trigger that was brand new to me,
My initial responses were not rational,
I knew without control I would pay a horrific fee.
I was afraid at times, I might hurt someone else really bad.
In time, I learned to control my mouth and hands,
I did not want to lose any more than I already had.
Many brain injury survivors end up in prison,
and I could have ended up there too.
I learned I am still responsible for my own behavior,
and my brain injury friend so are YOU!

By: DebbieWilson 10-17-2011 .

Prison Bound

I have always loved the law,
Now I hold a service dogs paw.

I used to work trying to keep people out of prison,
A brain injury and seizures now prevent me from carrying a gun.

This brain injury has taught me about the powerful emotion rage,
I am sharing facts that I hope will keep you out of a cage.

60% of us go to prison with undiagnosed and diagnosed brain injuries,
Lack of the correct diagnosis should not cause anyone to pay
One of life’s harshest fees.

95% of death row inmates have had a brain injury,
We need to diagnose early on,
Without a brain injury diagnosis we are a ticking bomb.

When the bomb blows up, they take away our freedom,
This is the truth, the prison statistics have all been done.

We have to educate people on how to screen for brain injury,
Prison or mental institutions shouldn’t be the ultimate fee.

Debbie Wilson

10/30/2011

For My Veteran Friends

You were fighting for our freedom,
when an explosion hurt your head.
After the initial shock and disappointment,
eventually, you will be thankful you aren't dead.

Frustration and lack of confidence,
will initially haunt many things you try to do.
I have found that if you just keep trying,
you can re-learn much of what you once knew.

Time will be your truest and most trusted friend,
as your damaged brain begins to finally mend.
I promise you repetition and perseverance,
will carry you the very farthest in the end.

The brain really does get better with time.
Self motivation and hard work is the real key.
You will get discouraged and at times want to fold,
But you have an advantage you’ve already trained
to be the best you can be.

As a seasoned head injury survivor I offer these words,
as a gift of short cuts to things you will re-learn how to do.
There are many of us survivors available to help guide your way,
we appreciate your sacrifice, you are so special in our point of view.


By:
Debbie Wilson

http://www.dickibus.co.uk/wilson/tbi/deb.htm

debbiewilson9@yahoo.com

My Families Fate

YOU MAY BE HEALTHY AND FULL OF LIFE,

BUT YOU COULD ONE DAY HAVE A CHILD A FRIEND,

OR A WIFE, IN NEED OF PAIN RELIEF OR A CURE FOR CANCER.

PLEASE READ THIS POEM BEFORE YOU GIVE YOUR ANSWER.

IT HAS NOT BEEN EASY TO

DISTINGUISH ILLEGAL FROM LEGAL.

WE ARE THREE GENERATIONS OF WILSON,

AND UNFORTUNATELY MY HEALTH IS QUITE FEEBLE.

PRESCRIPTION MEDICATION TAKEN FOR

THE LAST TWENTY YEARS,

HAS NOT STOPPED MY SEIZURES, HEADACHES

SLEEPLESSNESS OR TEARS.

MEDICAL MARIJUANA IS VERY DESPERATELY

NEEDED BY ME,

BUT I DO NOT WANT TO SUBJECT MYSELF OR MY FAMILY,

TO AN ARREST OR LEGAL FEES.

IF TRAUMA OR BAD HEALTH ARE IN YOUR FUTURE,

I HOPE YOU HAVE ACCESS TO THE MEDICINE YOU NEED.

WE ARE PRAYING YES WILL BE YOUR FINAL VOTE,

WE DON’T HAVE A CHOICE BUT TO FOLLOW YOUR LEAD.

WHEN ON DISABILITY MOST PEOPLE DO NOT HAVE THE MONEY

TO MOVE OUT OF THEIR STATE.

PRESCRIPTION MEDICINE DID NOT WORK FOR ME,

CROSS COUNTRY MOVING SHOULDN’T BE MY FAMILIES FEE

OR OUR FATE! 

Please make medical marijuana legal in my state ILLINOIS!

Sincerely,

Debbie Wilson

01-08-2011

debbiewilson9@yahoo.com

www.dickibus.co.uk/poets/debbie_wilson/debbie.htm

Thank-you Mom For My Ability To Pray!

The truest words that rang true from my mom,
Is God will always be there, so just stay strong.
When life got hard my mom nudged me the right way,
When each new heartache came my way.
I thanked God my mom taught me how to diligently pray.
We live in a world of heartache and pain,
Peace on earth has truly been my life’s aim.
If you don‘t believe in heaven and hell,
I pray that you will hear this final bell.
Things in this world are not going very well.
If you are not worried about lost souls,
You might need to reevaluate your goals.
Between wars, weather, chaos and turmoil,
It is time to commit to whom you are loyal.
I thank God daily for leading my way each day,
Make God your priority and you won’t go astray.
Mom thank-you for teaching me how to pray,
You were right, God has sustained me each and every day.

Dedicated to my mother, a twenty year cancer survivor

Debbie Wilson
10-02-2011

My Greatest Christmas Gift Ever 2011

When I Died For A Moment or Two

I have been to the place we call death twice in my lifetime,
The wonderful news is all I felt was welcome, comfort and love.
I heard my son yelling for me to come back his voice full of strife,
God heard him too, because he sent me back from heaven above.

I was never unconscious so I was literally able to hear every word,
Words like “she has coded, her pupils are fixed and dilated,” and intubation.
My son’s plea was the loudest most meaningful thing I heard.
Now I have time to help him cope with the inevitable information, I never could.

All people live and then they die. What you do while alive counts with every breathe,
While I was dying my prayers were for all of my loved ones to be alright.
There was no hesitancy or fear as I entered the realm we call death,
Even without the ability to see it was as if I for the first time had 20/20 sight.

I have been able to tell my grandson I will always be alive in his heart,
I have been able to tell my mother thank-you for teaching me how to diligently pray.
I have been able to watch my son turn into a wonderful man, a gift that most believed I wouldn’t live for that special part.

I have died, I have lived, and I remembered everyone I ever loved during the death experience and there was nothing I had left unsaid.
In my mind and heart I guess I was able, with the grace of God, to do it the way I would have hoped I would have the opportunity to do it.

Thank-you God for a learning experience I hope will bring hope to others as they pray for the health and welfare of their dying loved ones. The only thing I am sure of is God had a good reason for allowing me to stay a little longer, and I take that responsibility with great honor, pride and most of all purpose. So I am passing this on to you, with a sincere prayer that each of you will realize the difference in good and evil. If you haven’t made things right with your maker, right now would be a great time!


By:
Debbie Wilson
12-23-2011

My Dearest Soldier

My dearest soldier, I remember when you would have died for me,
Why then oh why, is  suicide the only option you can now see?

I sit here alone and wish I knew how to call you up on the phone.
I wish I knew who or where you were so I could make sure you aren't  alone.

I wish you would send me your email so I could just drop you a line,
The real truth is, I want some guarantee that you will eventually be just fine.

But wars hurt and mame and the warriors never come home quite the same.
You all have paid such an ultimate price and life in this world can get insane.

If I could scream at you I would say just wait a little longer until you want to again live.
But I know that with PTSD, brain trauma, wheelchair’s, and all the rest, your feeling you must have nothing else to give.

But if you will take just a moment to listen to a friend, I promise with time the heart can again mend.
If you listen close I’ll tell you the truth, even with a battered body or mind, you still have something special you can give a friend.

Make sure someone gets you some access to a phone and a computer,
Because I am excited  to see what you can all do if You choose to live until the future.

There will be hope again in your life, I Promise!

With Loving Regards,
Debbie Wilson  12-26-2011

Talking About Home Health Care Issues

Talking About The Issues

Just this month my personal assistant who is my son was fired. He was fired for a bogus reason, in a bankrupt state. The very group of people the Federal Government gave the State government responsibility for our home health care. I am talking about the medicaid waivers 49 states have. Waivers that most of us, who are disabled. depend on to stay out of nursing homes!

I would love to get your input!