No parent wants that phone call.
Nancy Hawley Barras answered it last October when she was 4,000 miles away from her son. Cole Barras had been in a horrific car accident. The female driver was dead. Cole, 19, likely wouldn't survive, doctors said.
"It was the worst thing in the world, that phone call," Nancy said, breaking into tears. "It's heartbreaking. You can't believe it. `No way; this isn't happening."'
Cole, who was attending the University of Hawaii Maui College, had been riding in the back seat of a car with friends, while visiting another friend on Oahu. No one is quite sure what happened next, but Nancy knows that spot, down a very steep hill, where there have been about 50 car accidents in the
Barras, who is now mostly confined to his wheelchair due to a traumatic brain injury suffered in a car accident in Hawaii, hangs out with friends.
past three years."It was raining. I'm guessing they were going too fast and she hit the curb or just lost control and hydroplaned," Nancy said. "There was not a skid mark. ... They spun around and slammed into a lava rock wall that had posts in it."
The driver died at the scene. Paramedics said no one should have survived, based on the condition of the car. Cole's friend riding in the passenger seat didn't have a scratch. Cole and his dorm-mate, both in the back seat, suffered severe brain injuries.
Cole was in a coma for three weeks and spent one month in the ICU in a Honolulu hospital. After a couple of weeks the pressure on his brain eased.
"They had to do some horrible things to him," Nancy said. "They
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had to keep his body temperature at 93 degrees or lower. They had him totally drugged out."Yet slowly, Cole emerged. It started with eye contact, sitting up in bed for minutes at a time, giving a little bit of a thumbs up. Miraculously, he hadn't broken any bones, but he did have lung contusions, a slight neck fracture, a cut on his arm and, most notably, traumatic brain damage.
"The brain damage he has will never go away," Nancy said. "You're never sure with a brain injury what the prognosis is. Everyone is different."
Cole had bouts of pneumonia and infections from lying down all the time. He was confined to a wheelchair, unable to walk, speak, feed or change himself.
But by the beginning of December, he was stable enough to fly back to California, where he would undergo rehabilitation at Casa Colina Hospital in Pomona.
Nancy and her longtime partner, Mark Cameron, had planned to move from Manhattan Beach to Hawaii in January. They had already sold their home on 10th Street. Instead, they moved into a home in Claremont so Nancy could be close during Cole's rehab.
In Pomona, he went through three hours of daily acute speech, occupational and physical therapy. He moved into the Transitional Living Center, a home setting within the facility, and spent four to five hours a day in intense therapy.
Nancy never left his side.
"I stayed there as long as I could. I would never leave unless I had to sleep or go get something to eat," she said.
Like his mother, Cole grew up in Manhattan Beach. He attended Manhattan Beach Middle School and Mira Costa High, where he competed on the swim and surf teams.
The family spent summers in Hawaii for the past 10 years.
"He fell in love with it like everybody does," Nancy said. "We had a lot of friends there.
After graduating from Mira Costa in 2010, he was accepted to the University of Hawaii Maui College, but spent a year at El Camino College to get acclimated to college and make sure it was a fit. He started school in Hawaii last August.
"He was thriving," Nancy said. "He was taking care of himself, getting ready for the big winter surf season, getting good grades, loving life."
Last month, Nancy brought Cole home to Manhattan Beach, where she and Mark are renting.
Nancy has to feed Cole mostly through a feeding tube four times a day. He takes 15 different medications and is in constant pain.
"I give him extra pain meds, which, by the way, never work," Nancy said. "I've got to move him from the bed to his wheelchair. I try to get him out of the wheelchair as much as possible and onto regular furniture."
Cognitively, Cole is extremely aware, Nancy said.
"He thinks he can do this stuff and when he can't, he gets frustrated and angry," she said. "It's heartbreaking to see that."
Cole is in therapy in Long Beach three times a week and has started to take a few steps and pull himself up on the parallel bars. He answers questions, tells Nancy what he wants and what he needs, can write his name, and plays cards.
But it's scary, Nancy said.
"Every time he seems to do well, something else comes up at every turn," she said. "It's been brutal, but what do you do? You truly have no choice. People get dealt worse hands. At least he's alive."
This is not the first tragedy Nancy and Cole have faced. Cole's father, Richard Barras, accidentally drowned in 2010 after falling from his sailboat off Redondo Beach, three days before Cole's 18th birthday. Last year, Nancy also lost her sister.
Nancy keeps friends and family updated on Cole's daily activities, condition and cheeky comments on a Facebook page, Cole's Army, where she's called, "Mamma Bear."
Although Nancy's strength is apparent, the family still struggles, especially financially.
"We were lucky enough to have insurance, but they only pay for so much," Nancy said. "It's definitely draining."
Missy Ninnis, Nancy's friend and former neighbor, said Nancy and Mark would never ask for any help, so she and other neighbors on 10th Street wanted to hold a fundraiser and gathering of friends, family and the community to celebrate Cole's recovery.
The ohana - which means "family" in Hawaiian - will take place Sunday on the 10th walk street in Manhattan Beach with food, music, a hula show and a silent auction of items including a Becker's surfboard and Anaheim Angels tickets.
Nancy has been floored by the community's response since Cole's homecoming last month.
"People I don't even know are bringing over food for us," she said. "People volunteer to stay with Cole if I have to go somewhere. From when this whole thing started until now, people have not given up."
The family still plans to move to Hawaii once Cole is better. And Nancy has hope.
"The doctors are now for the first time ever saying, `This kid is going to get better,"' she said. "That's the first time I heard that in eight months ... he's going to progress. We don't know how far, but I want 100 percent. I'm greedy. I'll take 95 even."
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Want to go?
What: Fundraiser for Cole Barras, featuring food, a disc jockey, hula show and silent auction
Where: 425 10th St., Manhattan Beach
When: 3-7 p.m. Sunday
Information: There is no required donation for admission. For more, link to http://colesarmy.blogspot.com/.